Had to share this as I thought it as Hilarious!!! Proof positive as far as I'm concerned that men are (or, at least CAN be) total idiots! AND, this is just a little bit of retribution for the constant barrage of "women can't drive" comments!
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Happy Valentines Day!
Have a great post coming tomorrow! In the meantime, just wanted to wish you all a Happy Valentines Day! (yes, this coming from the one who was making fun of the holiday! I have my moments!)
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Boobs on a Blog
What IS it about boobs??
I've gotten a thousand different explanations from a thousand
different people and I am still completely baffled! What is this fascination we all have with boobs?? It's a fascination held by both men and women alike and it makes me shake my head in pure dumbfounded amazement. I found a website that lists 340 different nicknames given to the female 
breast - 340!!! There are some languages that don't have 340 words in their entire vocabulary! (FYI - Some of my favorites include Bassoons, Bazongas, Blingers, Caboodles, Carumbas, Cha-Chas, Doodads, Double-Whammys, Gazingas, Gazongas, Headlamps, Humdingers, Loblollies, Mushmelons, Oompas, Pointer-Sisters, and the ever famous Tatas)
I've been told that men are fascinated with them because they are thoroughly "visual" creatures
(as well as the fact that "they don't have them"). I don't doubt the validity of this but it can't be the only reason. I've had the majority of men I know tell me that "more than a handful is too much", that "they would rather have small and real than large and fake", that "they are butt men", that "they are leg men", that "size definitely does not 
matter in regards to a woman's chest!" Contradiction? Oh ya! In addition, I have a best friend...I'll call her...Jamie - Now Jamie has been blessed (or cursed) with a natural abundance in that area (i.e. big ol' hooters)! She tells me that what men say about this subject is a total contradiction to the reactions she gets by men..all men...on a regular basis (and no, it does not matter what she is wearing). Nine out of ten men that she meets could not tell you the color of her eyes if given a million dollars to do so! And, as Jamie tells me, women often give her the same reactions.
I know, weird huh? Women supposedly focus on her "Pointer Sisters" (I really like that one) almost as much as men do (not in quite the same way of course). Obviously, this is not done because "women are visual creatures." And it can't be entirely because "they don't have them"! Tiny, average or enormous - all women do have them! So, where does their fascination stem from?
This of course leads me to why women make that decision to go fake! I know some of it has to do with societal notions of "what is sexy" but I
know that can't be all of it! Millions of women have boob jobs and from what I've seem, most (well, maybe more like half) of them are confident, intelligent and independent women who do not live only to please others. So, if not society than why? Is it that boobs are the true symbol of femininity? And if so, does that
mean that the bigger your cha chas, the more female you are? Or is it just that boobs are the true sexual symbol of femininity?
I realize of course that like "the true meaning of life," this is a question that will stump even the greatest of minds until the end of time. But, like the great philosophers of the past, I must at least ask!
I've gotten a thousand different explanations from a thousand
different people and I am still completely baffled! What is this fascination we all have with boobs?? It's a fascination held by both men and women alike and it makes me shake my head in pure dumbfounded amazement. I found a website that lists 340 different nicknames given to the female 
breast - 340!!! There are some languages that don't have 340 words in their entire vocabulary! (FYI - Some of my favorites include Bassoons, Bazongas, Blingers, Caboodles, Carumbas, Cha-Chas, Doodads, Double-Whammys, Gazingas, Gazongas, Headlamps, Humdingers, Loblollies, Mushmelons, Oompas, Pointer-Sisters, and the ever famous Tatas)I've been told that men are fascinated with them because they are thoroughly "visual" creatures
(as well as the fact that "they don't have them"). I don't doubt the validity of this but it can't be the only reason. I've had the majority of men I know tell me that "more than a handful is too much", that "they would rather have small and real than large and fake", that "they are butt men", that "they are leg men", that "size definitely does not 
matter in regards to a woman's chest!" Contradiction? Oh ya! In addition, I have a best friend...I'll call her...Jamie - Now Jamie has been blessed (or cursed) with a natural abundance in that area (i.e. big ol' hooters)! She tells me that what men say about this subject is a total contradiction to the reactions she gets by men..all men...on a regular basis (and no, it does not matter what she is wearing). Nine out of ten men that she meets could not tell you the color of her eyes if given a million dollars to do so! And, as Jamie tells me, women often give her the same reactions.
I know, weird huh? Women supposedly focus on her "Pointer Sisters" (I really like that one) almost as much as men do (not in quite the same way of course). Obviously, this is not done because "women are visual creatures." And it can't be entirely because "they don't have them"! Tiny, average or enormous - all women do have them! So, where does their fascination stem from?
This of course leads me to why women make that decision to go fake! I know some of it has to do with societal notions of "what is sexy" but I
know that can't be all of it! Millions of women have boob jobs and from what I've seem, most (well, maybe more like half) of them are confident, intelligent and independent women who do not live only to please others. So, if not society than why? Is it that boobs are the true symbol of femininity? And if so, does that
mean that the bigger your cha chas, the more female you are? Or is it just that boobs are the true sexual symbol of femininity?I realize of course that like "the true meaning of life," this is a question that will stump even the greatest of minds until the end of time. But, like the great philosophers of the past, I must at least ask!
Friday, February 9, 2007
Why Valentines Day RULES if you're single!
As a single person, I could write a blog about how sucky it is not be part of a couple on the "most romantic day of the year" - However, I actually don't think it does! I'm here to share with you all of the reasons why it ROCKS to be single on Valentines Day!
First and Foremost - there is no need to stress if you are single! There is no need to stress about what, if anything to get for your significant other. If you are a guy, there is no need to worry about "showing how much you love her" in the correct way! No wondering if she really wants a gift even though she "said it wasn't necessary" and no wondering if the gift you gave her will result in a pleasurable night in bed or a night on the couch! If you are a woman, you don't have to worry about what to get for a man that won't seem too feminine. You don't have to stress over IF he will actually do anything at all for you! And if he does do something, you don't have to wonder whether or not he will make your heart melt or prove once and for all that he doesn't have a romantic bone in his body! That alone makes me relieved I'm single on the "Big Day"!
Of course, V Day also rocks for single people because we don't have to wait 3 hours for a meal that's probably substandard and served by a frazzled pissed off waitress/waiter! WHY anyone thinks a meal served under these conditions is romantic is beyond me!
And finally, for all of you men out there, I have been told that V Day happens to be the easiest day of the year to meet women! Those of us who are not so happy to be single on Valentines Day are at the bar, trying to drown this fact in alcohol and false cheer! (Or so I've been told)
So seriously, if you find yourself at all depressed or down about not being able to take part in this long lived tradition, just read this and thank your lucky stars instead!
First and Foremost - there is no need to stress if you are single! There is no need to stress about what, if anything to get for your significant other. If you are a guy, there is no need to worry about "showing how much you love her" in the correct way! No wondering if she really wants a gift even though she "said it wasn't necessary" and no wondering if the gift you gave her will result in a pleasurable night in bed or a night on the couch! If you are a woman, you don't have to worry about what to get for a man that won't seem too feminine. You don't have to stress over IF he will actually do anything at all for you! And if he does do something, you don't have to wonder whether or not he will make your heart melt or prove once and for all that he doesn't have a romantic bone in his body! That alone makes me relieved I'm single on the "Big Day"!
Of course, V Day also rocks for single people because we don't have to wait 3 hours for a meal that's probably substandard and served by a frazzled pissed off waitress/waiter! WHY anyone thinks a meal served under these conditions is romantic is beyond me!
And finally, for all of you men out there, I have been told that V Day happens to be the easiest day of the year to meet women! Those of us who are not so happy to be single on Valentines Day are at the bar, trying to drown this fact in alcohol and false cheer! (Or so I've been told)
So seriously, if you find yourself at all depressed or down about not being able to take part in this long lived tradition, just read this and thank your lucky stars instead!
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
Your Wish is My Command!
As requested by a couple of my faithful readers, I have crossed out the disclaimer at the bottom of my "Making fun of Jeff" post! (thought crossing it out would be more fun than simply deleting it)
Also, I've been told by my worthy target that my attempt at "taking him down a notch" was totally unsuccessful as I "lack the skill of funny"! I frankly think that this just his sad attempt to cover up his pain and agony however I will leave it up to you all...is my post funny or what???
Also, I've been told by my worthy target that my attempt at "taking him down a notch" was totally unsuccessful as I "lack the skill of funny"! I frankly think that this just his sad attempt to cover up his pain and agony however I will leave it up to you all...is my post funny or what???
Friday, February 2, 2007
5 Reasons Why Jeff D is NOT a Manly Man
Jeff D, a coworker of mine at NextStudent (yes, this is a blatant plug for my company in hopes of garnering traffic. Feel free to click on the link several hundred times in order to win me big points with my boss!) recently wrote an article on What it Means to Be a Man. Though well written, I disagree WHOLEHEARTEDLY with the article! Not with his so-called "manly characterizations" but with the fact that Jeff D actually HAS any of these characterizations and therefore actually IS by his definition a "manly man"! I am so strongly opposed to this claim that I felt the need to write a post of my own proving him wrong. So, with no further ado, please let me present:
Five Reasons Why Jeff D is NOT in fact a Manly Man!
Reason Number One:
Need I say more?? This was not Halloween and as such, orange tuxes and top hats are NOT supposed to be a part of the manly man's wardrobe! To 99.9% of you, this is probably all the proof you need that Jeff is in fact NOT a manly man. However, as I have 4 other pieces of proof, I will continue.
Reason Number Two:
Jeff claims that manly men ONLY eat meat! Though I haven't witnessed it myself, I have been told by an unnamed but very reliable source that the Cranberry Pecan Chicken Salad at our local Wendy's is the meal of choice for Jeff whenever they frequent the place. Granted, chicken IS a meat of sorts however when surrounded by nuts and berries, it tends to lose it's "manly man" appeal!
Reason Number Three:
Jeff claims that to be a true "manly man", "there are only two fluids men can drink - beer and their own urine after drinking beer." (First of all, eewwwww!) Now, Jeff may drink beer in front of his friends, girlfriends, and other manly men, but I found this candid shot of him taken during his last vacation to Miami Beach which shows him enjoying something that is pink, frothy and definitely NOT a beer. True, I don't know for sure that the glass doesn't contain his own urine, however IF that's the case, Jeff has much bigger problems than just his masculinity and should go see a doctor as soon as possible! (P.S. Reason Number 3.1 that Jeff is not a "manly man" - note the pink umbrella pinned to his shirt! Manly Men DO NOT use pink umbrellas as fashion accessories!) (P.S.S. The fact that he actually WENT to Miami Beach is reason number 3.2 that Jeff is NOT a "manly man"!)
Reason Number Four:
While standing around the water cooler the other day (alright, so we weren't actually standing around the water cooler but that's where social conversations are supposed to occur within the work place and I thought it a great visualization to reinforce my point!) Jeff made the following quote in response to a conversation we were having regarding stupid fashions that people wear - "Pink is my signature color" (fyi - quote was said in a southern and distinctly feminine voice). Because it happens to be one of my favorite chic flicks, I knew that this was a quote made by Shelby, the character played by Julia Roberts in Steel Magnolias. Now granted, the quote was said in jest and meant to be funny so the words themselves are not the issue. Jeff is in fact NOT a "manly man" because he actually KNEW the famous words! And, as Jeff claims, manly "men are not allowed to watch any show on the WB, Lifetime, TLC or Oxygen or any movie with Julia Roberts!"
Reason Number Five:
Last but certainly not least, Jeff is NOT in fact a "
manly man" because of the car he drives! In his blog post, Jeff lists 10 vehicle types that manly men are not allowed to drive. As you can see from the photo on the left - Jeff is true to this and does not drive any of these 10 cars. However, I'm pretty sure (and feel free to disagree if you would like) that "manly men" do NOT drive cars that have been painted pink, no matter what the model! And if THAT wasn't proof enough for you, how many "manly men" do YOU know that don't change their own tires??
Though I think that Jeff is great guy and wonderful to work with, I simply couldn't allow him to lie to the public in such a way! I truly hope that by offering undeniable proof that Jeff is NOT in fact the "manly man" that he claims to be, he will learn his lesson and refrain from spreading falsehoods in the future!
DISCLAIMER: All of the information contained herein is completely bogus! All of the photos and claims were fabricated and done purely for fun in order to try and "take Jeff down a notch." Hopefully Jeff will have a sense of humor about this and not do anything truly evil to me in retaliation! To help me avoid this, please feel free to visit Jeff's Blog: I Am Better Than You and tell him what a great guy he is!
Five Reasons Why Jeff D is NOT in fact a Manly Man!
Need I say more?? This was not Halloween and as such, orange tuxes and top hats are NOT supposed to be a part of the manly man's wardrobe! To 99.9% of you, this is probably all the proof you need that Jeff is in fact NOT a manly man. However, as I have 4 other pieces of proof, I will continue.Reason Number Two:
Jeff claims that manly men ONLY eat meat! Though I haven't witnessed it myself, I have been told by an unnamed but very reliable source that the Cranberry Pecan Chicken Salad at our local Wendy's is the meal of choice for Jeff whenever they frequent the place. Granted, chicken IS a meat of sorts however when surrounded by nuts and berries, it tends to lose it's "manly man" appeal!
Reason Number Three:
Jeff claims that to be a true "manly man", "there are only two fluids men can drink - beer and their own urine after drinking beer." (First of all, eewwwww!) Now, Jeff may drink beer in front of his friends, girlfriends, and other manly men, but I found this candid shot of him taken during his last vacation to Miami Beach which shows him enjoying something that is pink, frothy and definitely NOT a beer. True, I don't know for sure that the glass doesn't contain his own urine, however IF that's the case, Jeff has much bigger problems than just his masculinity and should go see a doctor as soon as possible! (P.S. Reason Number 3.1 that Jeff is not a "manly man" - note the pink umbrella pinned to his shirt! Manly Men DO NOT use pink umbrellas as fashion accessories!) (P.S.S. The fact that he actually WENT to Miami Beach is reason number 3.2 that Jeff is NOT a "manly man"!)
Reason Number Four:
While standing around the water cooler the other day (alright, so we weren't actually standing around the water cooler but that's where social conversations are supposed to occur within the work place and I thought it a great visualization to reinforce my point!) Jeff made the following quote in response to a conversation we were having regarding stupid fashions that people wear - "Pink is my signature color" (fyi - quote was said in a southern and distinctly feminine voice). Because it happens to be one of my favorite chic flicks, I knew that this was a quote made by Shelby, the character played by Julia Roberts in Steel Magnolias. Now granted, the quote was said in jest and meant to be funny so the words themselves are not the issue. Jeff is in fact NOT a "manly man" because he actually KNEW the famous words! And, as Jeff claims, manly "men are not allowed to watch any show on the WB, Lifetime, TLC or Oxygen or any movie with Julia Roberts!"
Reason Number Five:
Last but certainly not least, Jeff is NOT in fact a "
manly man" because of the car he drives! In his blog post, Jeff lists 10 vehicle types that manly men are not allowed to drive. As you can see from the photo on the left - Jeff is true to this and does not drive any of these 10 cars. However, I'm pretty sure (and feel free to disagree if you would like) that "manly men" do NOT drive cars that have been painted pink, no matter what the model! And if THAT wasn't proof enough for you, how many "manly men" do YOU know that don't change their own tires??Though I think that Jeff is great guy and wonderful to work with, I simply couldn't allow him to lie to the public in such a way! I truly hope that by offering undeniable proof that Jeff is NOT in fact the "manly man" that he claims to be, he will learn his lesson and refrain from spreading falsehoods in the future!
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