I have a friend who has been married for about 6 years now. (I did mention that I have a lot of male friends didn't I?). He has two lovely children and is, by all accounts, miserable. He considers himself to be in a loveless marriage and regularly claims that his wife has cheated on him numerous times. He also admits that he remains married to this woman only for the sake of his children. "No, I don't love her, I don't even really like her much of the time. But she is the mother of my children and I do respect her for that."
I know that there has been much research done on the subject of children and divorce. Many true professionals Dr. Laura for example (alright, maybe not TRUE professionals) claim that children will always do better with two parents, no matter what the situation. Frankly, I think this is total crap!
Children are not dumb! I believe they can instinctively pick up on the unspoken and true messages of the quality of a relationship. When that relationship is not good, children can get ill, stop sleeping, do poorly in school, and have bad relationships themselves. They can also come to resent one or both parents for staying in that bad relationship! I firmly believe that by staying in such a relationship, you are relying on your children to be the glue which holds the family together and that's a terrible burden to put on any child.
So, both men and women alike should truly put their children before themselves and get out! Believe me, everyone will be happier!
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/Signed!
Wait, you end your dialog with this statment:
"So, both men and women alike should truly put their children before themselves and get out! Believe me, everyone will be happier!"
The sad fact is, most married couples that stay together "for the sake of their children" are doing just that, claiming how awesome they are becuase they are "putting their children first".
What married couples seem to forget about all too often is themselves. You have to be a priority in your own mind if you want to make others, your spouse and children happy. You have to be happy, your spouse has to be happy, and then your children will be happy.
I was once tought this simple thing in church one time. Number one priority is God, second is your spouse, third is your children, foruth is your immediate relatives, mother father and so on.
Until such time as you are married, then of course your second should be your direct family.
But once you cross that bridge, then you yourself are the head of your OWN family, so when you have God first, the rest will fall in order.
S
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